you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
