I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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