R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
