yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
