i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just want nice things and good sex
I forget how to act sober
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
