69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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