Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
