Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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