The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
