Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
