God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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