I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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