her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
