You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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