Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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