tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize