How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
