I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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