I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize