is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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