umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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