I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize