32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
