Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
How external is "for external use only"?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
