your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
40s are totally the cure
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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