I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
