you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
