Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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