Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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