i jhust puked up my retainher.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
