your room smells of hookers.
And success
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
