I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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