I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
