Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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