what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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