Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Did I show you my penis last night?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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