I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
