Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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