I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize