Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Houston, we have a blender
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
