WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
