Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
