a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
