I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
