She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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