the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
