Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
