problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
