From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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