Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
