Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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