You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think my moral compass just broke
there is puke in my bra ... again
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