theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
