They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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