Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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