Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
