Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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