She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
