There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
