He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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