i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize