the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
FUCK WHALES
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
