Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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