yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You need a sexual gate keeper
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
