i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
