She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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