I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Pants are for mortals
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
