I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
