garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
