??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
wow bdsm is so cute
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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