I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
