dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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