i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
