i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
