having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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