hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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