im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize