Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I had to cum in my sink.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
