Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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