It's Friday. Sex?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
