whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize