this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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