Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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