Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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