mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize