Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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