proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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