I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
