Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Buhtt sex?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
